The World’s Worst Drivers
We all know what a bad driver is — someone who doesn’t drive the way we think he should! But let’s try to define our terms a bit more precisely. Who are the worst drivers out there? And why?
Years of carefully conducted research have resulted in the identification of six major archetypes. Learn to recognize them – and give them a wide berth!
The Cringer
This driver is clearly terrified of mechanized transport; you’ll see him/her (cringers are not sex-specific) clutching the steering wheel in a Praying Mantis death grip, both hands near the very top – knuckles bony and white. Body posture is hunched up, head often far forward, with a fearful grimace distorting the facial features. The Cringer will never attempt right on red even when perfectly legal to do so – and even when there’s not another car around for miles. The Cringer is also prone to stopping completely on freeway on-ramps, left signal blinking painfully. Cringers rarely get speeding or other moving violation tickets, however – because they’re so averse to movement of any kind.
The Would-Be Mario
Unfortunately for everyone who encounters the would-be Mario, the only control he’s mastered is the accelerator pedal. Marios love to simulate automotive mating rituals by riding inches off the bumper of the car ahead. Unlike the real Mario Andretti, however, they have yet to learn the consequences of such intimacy should the first car have to brake suddenly. Marios also habitually cut to the front of any line of merging cars, shoving the nose of their primered late ’80s Ford Probe GT into even the smallest of openings. Marios are almost always young men – but once in awhile, a female of the species may be encountered. She is usually also a cell phone Chatty Kathy (see below).
The Distracted Mom
Usually encountered at the helm of an over-large SUV or minivan, the Distracted Mom is too busy dealing with her screeching, run-amok brood to notice the motorcycle in the adjacent lane she almost just ran over. Or that the light ahead turned green 30 seconds ago. The Distracted Mom is concerned about the safety of her progeny – but apparently, no one else’s. Always adopt pre-emptive cautionary measures when you spot a minivan or SUV plastered with multiple yellow and purple ribbons, stickers of soccer balls and personalized plates with “mom” or “kids” worked into them. You have been warned!
The Senile Citizen
This driver’s next ride will be a hearse, but for now you’ll find him (or her) creeping along in a mid-’90s Buick or Cadillac with a vinyl roof and fake wire wheels at 10-20 mph below the posted speed limit. Or wandering gently across the double yellow and back again, an angry line of frustrated not-yet-coffin-models stacked up behind the slow-going oldster. Like the Distracted Mom, the Senile Citizen tends to have a righteous sense of entitlement when it comes to driving – even when it’s clear that the only thing with wheels they ought to be allowed to control is a wheelchair.
The Cell Phone Chatty Kathy
These are Important People who have many Big Things to discuss that simply Cannot Wait. Expressive gesturing often accompanies these Important Calls – which invariably distract the Important Person, who is Too Busy to notice the intersection is clear and it’s safe to make a right turn merge – leaving everyone else stuck behind them with Less Important Lives to wait and stew. Studies have found that cell phones cause driver impairment comparable to having a blood alcohol level (BAC) of .08 or more – but you won’t see any mom-driven “safety jihads” against cell phones. Because they are just Too Important.
The Ba-Boom Ba-Boom Teen
He’s too legit to quit, with his mega-bass rap “music” thwomping obstreperously from the oversized speakers cut into the door panels of his clapped-out Honda Hooptie. It’s not so much his driving that annoys; it’s his belligerent use of noise to ruin the driving environment, increasing the tension and adding to the discomfort of those stuck anywhere near his auditory excesses. The Ba-Boom Teen may not drive recklessly himself – but he incites others to do so, just to get away from the racket.
This is a guest post by automotive columnist Eric Peters, check him out on the web at www.ericpetersautos.com.
What kind of driver annoys you the most on the road?
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J W-RE: Letting people in. You ARE in the minority. I would rather make my own breaks by signaling at the last moment. It tells you I’m moving over, but doesn’t give you enough time to punch it. I rarely, if ever, get mad if other drivers do not impede my progress, including the guys who pass me on the right at a stoplight, the lane-splitting motorcylist, or the Fast & Furious. The key is I don’t impede other people’s progress; I expect them to do the same for me. Most of the time I’m disappointed.
In response to tom:
*quote*
Sometimes using a turn signal gives away your next move and your opponent takes advantage of the situation.*end quote*
You know, if I’m the one to let you in you’ll find the opposite is true. I speed up and get pissed off when I can see that people aren’t going to use their blinkers and I graciously let people in if they do. But yeah, I know what you mean and people like me are probably in the minority, but you might be surprised. :)
NeverLift, you are right on about the “Fast and the Furious”. I don’t know if that is a phenomenon unique to California, but I get treated to some Tokyo Drift almost every day on my way home from work on the 15 in San Diego.
The California Lookie-Loo.
This creature is very common although most of us have never actually seen one; we are generally stuck in the traffic jam it created. This is the first driver to slow down or even stop to get at good look at whatever may be happening on the shoulder, even if the activity is occurring on the other side of the freeway. Automotive anthropologists suspect they may travel in small loosely coordinated groups giving them the ability to block an entre freeway.
The Crotch Rocket Lane-Splitter
A very common sight on California freeways, the Crotch Rocket Lane-Splitter is not content to move with the flow of traffic, even if the flow is well over the speed limit. As he passes between cars at 20 or 30 mph above the flow of traffic, he will miss your side mirrors by inches while he exercises the special rights he feels entitled to by virtue of using only two wheels. Being obviously superior to the rest of the drivers on the road, he keeps a middle finger at the ready for those who fail to show him the respect he so richly deserves.
The Beverly Hillbilly
Usually seen in the southbound lanes of San Diego’s freeways, this insulation-rack-equipped pickup truck is loaded not with rolls of insulation, but grossly overloaded with furniture and major appliances. So grossly overloaded that the suspension is visibly stressed and any but the gentlest maneuver will send it completely out of control.
You are missing one crucial type: THE LOW RIDER. This type is usually encountered in the southwestern states. The low rider most frequently has an 80′s era GM “B-body” car, i.e. Chevy Monte Carlo, Pontiac Gran Prix, Buick Special, Olds Cutlass.. The owner has torched the front and rear suspension to weaken the springs. He has removed the shocks and welded on brackets for “hydraulics”. He has installed ridiculously small 13 inch reversed wheels with impossibly undersized tires. The car has become a novelty that will bounce, tilt and rock playfullywith the throw of a switch Unfortunately all suspension geometry has been negated so that cars are undafe at any speed over 25 mph on the road. Since the cars will crash over any unevenness in the road the driver must unaccountably reduce speed to a crawl for any pothole, speed bump, driveway or railroad tracks he encounters ledst he crash his creation. Travelling behind the low rider is an exercise in panic braking. This frustration on the part of following vehicles enhances the low-rider’s “machismo”.
The only comment I can make about Massachusetts drivers is that I wish they’d stay out of New Hampshire! Tailgating, Speeding, cutting off, no directionals, horn blowing ten milliseconds after a red light turns green, are just a few of the habits of the most inconsiderate drivers in the world.
In response to tom:
*quote*
Sometimes using a turn signal gives away your next move and your opponent takes advantage of the situation.*end quote*
That’s one of my biggest pet peeves. I realize you might have meant the term opponent as a mere figure of speech, but the very use of the term opponent gives me pause as to your own safe driving tactics.
Cars are not weapons. Drivers are not opponents. They are tools of transportation. Everyone is trying to get to somewhere. The one thing I have noticed missing in recent years is Driver Courtesy. Everyone is so self absorbed they fail to politely get into the other lane for the faster driver, to let someone out in rush hour traffic who is waiting to make that right turn in a LONG line of cars. We honk our horns and gesture violently when the person in front of us lets someone out in front of them. We actually speed up when we notice another car coming up behind us, so they can’t pass us, as if WE are the most important vehicle on the road, and nobody has anywhere to be that could possibly be more important than our destination.
An interesting scenario is from On a Pale Horse, by Piers Anthony. Our hero is shown on three vehicle modes, a bicycle, a boat, and something else…and encounters a rude traveller each time. And what strikes me is the lesson: the other driver was himself all three times.
How safe and courteous would YOUR driving behaviour be considered? Have you never cut someone off? Have you never gestured rudely to someone for not driving “your” way?
I drive assertively, and defensively, not aggressively. I do not talk on my cell when driving, won’t even look at it. I have a baby, and believe me, I keep my EYES on the road and hands on the wheel, because she is my MOST precious cargo.
How about the nitwit that drives in the passing lane 5mph slower then the speed limit,then gives you dirty looks when you finely pass him,Like you did something wrong.
What I don’t understand is when drivers stop at a traffic light but pull the entire car infront of the the big white line on the ground. My wife does this all the time, it’s not the starting line for your rear tires. And it’s almost always the smallest car way infront of that line. Like they have never driven anything bigger than a match box car.
JW-
I have to admit that I sometimes do not use my turn signals while changing lanes. This is because of another type of driver who sees you put on your turn signal to change lanes, and they speed up so that you cannot get in front of them, and then they go slow again. Sometimes using a turn signal gives away your next move and your opponent takes advantage of the situation.
Another dangerous driver who tries drive in the lane that is merging over to pass 5 or 6 cars who are stacked on each other in the continuous lane. And when you don’t let them in front of you (because you are trying to get ahead of the ‘wrong lane’ cautious driver) and they honk, curse at you, and throw you the bird. When in actuality, they should have just stayed in the lane behind you and waited their turn.
The Fast And The Furious. They frequent freeways in California, notably I-880 in the East Bay (but probably elsewhere as well), running in pairs in tricked out Japanese minimuscle cars, weaving at high speed within inches of the other vehicles. Usually run for three or four exits, then get off before the CHP can get to them. They terrify other drivers into accidents. In one instance, a U-Haul rental van swerved off the freeway and imbedded itself in a stone sound wall so deeply the wall had to be braced before the van was towed out, else it would have collapsed.
I have driven all over the country including its major cities. By far the worst drivers are in Massachusetts. I know. I live there. I say ‘in’ Massachusetts because many of them come from New York, particularly in the summertime. On Cape Cod we have an abundance of older people that shouldn’t be driving, younger people that drive like they are at an amusement park and tourists that don’t know where they are going. Stop signs, red lights, speed limits and traffic lanes mean nothing in Massachusetts. Its frustrating for me to be the only good driver in an otherwise great state!
Eric,
No, I’m in Chicago, IL where 1/2 the people drive fast, and 1/2 the people drive way too slow (I have to remember that it could be their vehicle or medication :).
Ron,
re: Pulling into the intersection when waiting to turn left…
Good one, that ticks me off all the time. At least 1/2 the people here are good about that one.
Unexpected Lane Changers without Turn Signal
These lazy (or extremely cheap lightbulb savers?) only use their turn signals when they absolutely must. They do not understand the concept of using turn signals to change lanes and will do so suddenly with no warning, either possibly causing crashes, sudden brakes or lane jerking.
Left Turns-Why can’t people pull out into the intersection when making a left turn, so that other people can also make the light? Then, the guy in 2nd position, who missed the last light, does EXACTLY the same thing. When it’s finally your turn, you move out far enough so that THREE cars can go, and the guy behind you leaves a one car gap so that the third car can’t make the light.
On a similar problem, they should make ALL Left-turn Green Arrows into the 5-light signals(red, yellow, green, yellow, green arrow). In every light cycle, AT LEAST 2 more cars could make the light(except in the example above). Does anybody else feel really stupid waiting for a green arrow at 3AM in the morning?
All these problems in the original article are the result of one thing-NO EMPATHY FOR OTHER DRIVERS. It’s all about me, me, ME!
Slower Traffic Keep Right-The sign doesn’t say “Slow” or “Slowest”. It says “If you’re going 150mph and the guy behind you wants to go 175, you need to move over.” It is the same color sign as the Speed Limit sign-White. There is even a law in California that says “If you are holding up 5 cars or more, you need to move to the right or use the turnouts”. Why are my tax dollars being used for a sign that isn’t enforced?
This ONE act of selfishness probably creates more freeway accidents than all others, due to the 20 extra lane changes & chain-reaction braking by all the drivers behind. I must be missing the sign that says “Slower Traffic, Make Everyone Else Go Around”.
In response to J W on Dec 11, 2007
J W,
You wouldn’t happen to live in Albuquerque, NM, Would you? This is sooooo familiar.
I’ve seen people here with 2007 Vettes swing across 3 lanes as if the have a 40 ft trailer attached. The really irritating thing (and not just for performance cars – only an example) is many of the times they’ll go a couple of hundred yards and then zip back across all three lanes and do a left hand turn. Nothing like thinking 3 ft past your hood I guess, why be bothered with thinking about or looking where you’re going. If I can manage to stay in the inboard lane with a 6000 lb SUV, I’d be ashamed if I were them.
On a similar note, there are many, many folks that seem to think that they should always prepare for that right hand turn they need to make by quickly getting into the far left lane first (or the reverse, of course). Any ideas what you call these people?. Beyond the obvious, of course. Perhaps you or Mr. Peters could help. any ideas??
In my view the worst road users (and I use that phrase rather than “driver” because many bicycle and motorcycle riders are in this category) are those who insist on getting in front of you even though they know they’re going to be holding you back as soon as it becomes (otherwise) possible to go the speed limit. Sometimes these people just don’t notice you; other times their notion of “sharing the road” doesn’t include recognition of the duty to let faster drivers pass them.
I’m not saying safety isn’t important too — but the law has no business protecting these needless slowpokes from their just deserts when they insist on holding others back. The right to use the road, like all other rights, is conditional on respecting that same right in other people. The road is for all of us, so it must not be wasted.
Ralph writes:
“The only category these drivers belong in is the suicidal and they should not be allowed to drive ever.”
This actually brings up an interesting phenomenon. NHTSA does not recognize suicide as a category in their “xxxx-related” terminology, yet independent sources have estimated suicide by vehicle crash (in an attempt to camouflage it in order to collect life insurance) to be anywhere from 4% to 16% of total fatal crashes. Odd that they go out of their way to make “speed-related” so inclusive and then ignore such an egregious problem as suicide.
The Wide Turners
When turning, these people take as many lanes as are available instead of staying in their closest lane. If there’s a 3 lane road and they’re turning left, you can be sure they’ll immediately be in the far right lane, keeping others from turning right onto the same road at the same time.
The Cutters
These are people who drive on the shoulder and then an ‘entrance’ ramp to cut in front of perhaps a dozen cars, causing stops and accidents for people entering the expressway.
Law enforcement focuses on the low-hanging fruit of speeders. Speeders are ubiquitous, occur for long periods, and a whole industry has grown up around the cool electronic toys used to catch them but that are worthless in detecting trully dangerous drivers.
Yes you are right about them too. It is too bad that cops don’t focus more on these types of drivers instead. But I guess it takes more work and effort on their part.
You forgot the “Hurry up and Wait”. They’re the ones that you see at an intersection up ahead. They wait until you’re almost on top of them before they pull out in front of you. You think they must be in a real hurry, but then they drive 10-15 mph below the speed limit.
One of the most dangerous drivers I have encountered are those that will speed up while I am passing them. This is extremely dangerous especially on a two lane highway.
Also, they will usually try to close the gap with the vehicle in front, when they see you trying to pass or change lanes.
The only category these drivers belong in is the suicidal and they should not be allowed to drive ever.
We have all of those in North Carolina, except the “Mario” is called the “Junior.” “Junior” is a little different in that he almost always drives a Monte Carlo with a big number 8 on the side of it, and when he’s tailgating he thinks he’s “drafting.” In addition, it appears all Juniors have disabled the turn signals in their Monte Carlos.
Pretty concise list you have there; and all of them drive here in Florida!
-Dave Dragon
Ride it like you stole it