The World’s Worst Drivers
We all know what a bad driver is — someone who doesn’t drive the way we think he should! But let’s try to define our terms a bit more precisely. Who are the worst drivers out there? And why?
Years of carefully conducted research have resulted in the identification of six major archetypes. Learn to recognize them – and give them a wide berth!
The Cringer
This driver is clearly terrified of mechanized transport; you’ll see him/her (cringers are not sex-specific) clutching the steering wheel in a Praying Mantis death grip, both hands near the very top – knuckles bony and white. Body posture is hunched up, head often far forward, with a fearful grimace distorting the facial features. The Cringer will never attempt right on red even when perfectly legal to do so – and even when there’s not another car around for miles. The Cringer is also prone to stopping completely on freeway on-ramps, left signal blinking painfully. Cringers rarely get speeding or other moving violation tickets, however – because they’re so averse to movement of any kind.
The Would-Be Mario
Unfortunately for everyone who encounters the would-be Mario, the only control he’s mastered is the accelerator pedal. Marios love to simulate automotive mating rituals by riding inches off the bumper of the car ahead. Unlike the real Mario Andretti, however, they have yet to learn the consequences of such intimacy should the first car have to brake suddenly. Marios also habitually cut to the front of any line of merging cars, shoving the nose of their primered late ’80s Ford Probe GT into even the smallest of openings. Marios are almost always young men – but once in awhile, a female of the species may be encountered. She is usually also a cell phone Chatty Kathy (see below).
The Distracted Mom
Usually encountered at the helm of an over-large SUV or minivan, the Distracted Mom is too busy dealing with her screeching, run-amok brood to notice the motorcycle in the adjacent lane she almost just ran over. Or that the light ahead turned green 30 seconds ago. The Distracted Mom is concerned about the safety of her progeny – but apparently, no one else’s. Always adopt pre-emptive cautionary measures when you spot a minivan or SUV plastered with multiple yellow and purple ribbons, stickers of soccer balls and personalized plates with “mom” or “kids” worked into them. You have been warned!
The Senile Citizen
This driver’s next ride will be a hearse, but for now you’ll find him (or her) creeping along in a mid-’90s Buick or Cadillac with a vinyl roof and fake wire wheels at 10-20 mph below the posted speed limit. Or wandering gently across the double yellow and back again, an angry line of frustrated not-yet-coffin-models stacked up behind the slow-going oldster. Like the Distracted Mom, the Senile Citizen tends to have a righteous sense of entitlement when it comes to driving – even when it’s clear that the only thing with wheels they ought to be allowed to control is a wheelchair.
The Cell Phone Chatty Kathy
These are Important People who have many Big Things to discuss that simply Cannot Wait. Expressive gesturing often accompanies these Important Calls – which invariably distract the Important Person, who is Too Busy to notice the intersection is clear and it’s safe to make a right turn merge – leaving everyone else stuck behind them with Less Important Lives to wait and stew. Studies have found that cell phones cause driver impairment comparable to having a blood alcohol level (BAC) of .08 or more – but you won’t see any mom-driven “safety jihads” against cell phones. Because they are just Too Important.
The Ba-Boom Ba-Boom Teen
He’s too legit to quit, with his mega-bass rap “music” thwomping obstreperously from the oversized speakers cut into the door panels of his clapped-out Honda Hooptie. It’s not so much his driving that annoys; it’s his belligerent use of noise to ruin the driving environment, increasing the tension and adding to the discomfort of those stuck anywhere near his auditory excesses. The Ba-Boom Teen may not drive recklessly himself – but he incites others to do so, just to get away from the racket.
This is a guest post by automotive columnist Eric Peters, check him out on the web at www.ericpetersautos.com.
What kind of driver annoys you the most on the road?
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As I have said before, you idiots can try to justify whatever lawless, anarchistic behavior you want to try and justify. I just wish I could be their to laugh at you when the Judge says “Too many tickets. Hand over your driver’s license.” Of course, I doubt if a trivial little detail like a license would keep you off the roads!
I’m done with you. I get the feeling you’re all a bunch of know-it-all punks, anyways.
–M
While Mr. Magoo is oblivious to the chaos he is creating around himself & boasts of never being in an accident.
Matt says: January 15, 2010 at 5:44 am
Yes, I favor law and order over anarchy, and not just on the highways. ****If I am driving along at 65**** and some asshole passes me doing ninety he is endangering not only himself but every other driver that has to encounter him. What happens if someone suddenly has to swerve to the left to avoid an obstacle just as asshole approaches? Asshole hits ‘em and everybody dies. Speed limits are in place far a reason. Just because someone is not smart enough to discern that reason does not give them leave to ignore the law.
As far as the rest of your crapola goes:
I do not own a cell-phone.
I only listen to the radio when driving. On a long trip I will load a half-dozen CDs into the changer and not have to worry about it for five or six hours.
I do not have a GPS device. People that are too stupid to read maps and road signs, and ask for directions, probably should not be given control large masses of metal that can travel at very high speeds.
****I regularly get bitched at for being too far away from the leading vehicle****. “Someone can cut in front of us.” is the most common complaint. ****Shut up, I am driving****.”
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Matt- It’s STILL all about YOU. You’re STILL part of the problem, not the solution. If you ” favor law and order”, you’re breaking the law that says “Slower Traffic Keep Right”. I just saw a sign in Nevada that said “It is ILLEGAL to hold up more than 5 cars. Use Turnouts” between Las Vegas & Pahrump.
Since you’re playing the “What If” game-What if your speedo is off and you’re actually doing 64MPH? Then, YOU are endangering everybody that has to pass doing, not 90, but 65. And don’t give us this nonsense that you “try to go with the Flow of Traffic” on February 12, 2008 at 11:31 pm, because you just admitted, “I REGULARLY get bitched at for being too far away from the leading vehicle”.
I guess you follow the law, when it’s convenient for YOU. According to you, it’s NOT a matter of degree. You’re no better than the speeders because you admit you are breaking the law when you won’t move to the Right.
You are being the asshole, here. You are ASSUMING that I drive slowly in the left lane. I rarely use the left lane. I will if I get behind a truck that is slowing down while pulling a hill; the rest of the time I stay in the RIGHT lane.
Look, all you yahoos can try and justify ignoring whatever laws you see fit to ignore whenever you feel like ignoring them. There IS NO justification for such behavior, but go right ahead. And when you get a speeding ticket, or the state takes your license because of all of the speeding tickets you have already gotten, don’t snivel about it here. Unless you wish to give me something to ridicule you for.
–M
No, I ASSUME you’re a hypocrite or a liar.
You said-”If the speed limit on the interstate is 65, but all of the traffic is traveling at 75, I will try to match the flow of traffic.” You don’t NEED to match the flow of traffic IF “the rest of the time I stay in the RIGHT lane.”
And IF “the rest of the time I stay in the RIGHT lane.”-
1. Why would you “REGULARLY get bitched at for being too far away from the leading vehicle”?
2. Why are other drivers worried about you NOT keeping up with the lead vehicle in the Slower Lane?
3. Why are other drivers NOT changing to the Faster Lane to go around you?
4. Why are you having so many problems with Following Traffic IF you’re going 65mph in the Slower Lane?
You seem to be the ONLY one on the planet, that Tailgaters go out of their way to hassle, when you’re EXACTLY the empathetic driver they hope for. Your narcissistic stories of how you’re the Perfect driver, and EVERYBODY else are the bad guys, doesn’t pass the smell test. I think the ONLY time you ‘Match the guy going 75mph’, is when he tries to pass you on a two-lane road.
That’s why you “REGULARLY get bitched at”. You are EXACTLY the kind of driver the REST OF US ARE BITCHING ABOUT. You don’t give a rat’s ass about any other driver but yourself, because you make everyone else follow only the laws that YOU have decided, work best for everybody.
To Everyone-Does THIS guy fit the description of who you’re complaining about on this thread? Go back & read Matt’s other posts.
“And IF “the rest of the time I stay in the RIGHT lane.”-
1. Why would you “REGULARLY get bitched at for being too far away from the leading vehicle”?
Because the other people in the car are SO worried that someone might pull between me and the leading vehicle, causing it to take two or three seconds longer to reach our destination.”
“2. Why are other drivers worried about you NOT keeping up with the lead vehicle in the Slower Lane?”
Did I say anything about other drivers? It’s the PASSENGERS in a car that will give a person a hard time. Sometimes I wish ejection seats were real.
“3. Why are other drivers NOT changing to the Faster Lane to go around you?”
??? They do. All the time.
“4. Why are you having so many problems with Following Traffic IF you’re going 65mph in the Slower Lane?”
Around here the SLOW lane is where people generally drive 70 and 75. The fast lane is where the Kamikazes drive. Kamikazes, ’cause when these assholes go, they’re going to take someone with them!
Look, you can try to denigrate ME all you want. Just don’t cry when you end up in court because you think you are so much better than the commoners that you can ignore traffic laws with impunity!
If you think you can get a rise out of me, you are in for a significant disappointment. Hope you’ve got life insurance, cause it costs a lot to bury roadkill.
If you so recklessly ignore speed laws, how many other traffic laws do you ignore?
Yup. Everybody is tailgating you in the Slow Lane, when the Left Lane is open. I think that explains it. Everyone is a Problem Driver, except you.
I can’t add much to what James has expressed in his usual eloquent style. Matt, we’re not going to change each others mind. Even though my job involves transportation too (I work for a major airline), and my concern is always safety also, I don’t have to screw my fellow citizens every day like you do to keep my job. Unlike you, I picked a rewarding career that doesn’t require that. Your whole premise is based on breaking the law…. the speed limit. That’s all you can echo. It’s the same old tired song. That’s good for you because as a cop or a sympathizer. A speed limit is two arbitrary numbers on a sign you consider as an absolute for enforcement purposes which says little for safety or actual accident causation. It’s purely for enforcement purposes, filling a quota, and generation of revenue. Go ahead and maintain your wrong headedness as to it’s safety value. We understand.
Over the years I’ve communicated with state traffic engineers, city council members, state legislators on a regular bases, set on a citizens police commission and looked at raw traffic accident data, some of which I still have right here in my file cabinet. Your assertion that speed traps are so great is just B.S.. For a zillion reasons as clearly illustrated on this NMA web site as well as many other web sites such as http://www.thenewspaper.com/ there’s a plethora of evidence, studies, and statistics to the contrary to repudiate your assertion. About all you can say is “it’s against the law”.
Laws are often the result of emotions or knee jerk reactions. They are political animals often set by city council members or county commission members with a simple show of hands, without knowledge or consent of the citizenry. I know, I’ve personally witnessed it. Speed limits, especially when set locally often are motivated by something totally different then safety. No traffic engineering involved, no traffic study involved, hence a political speed limit. Yes, I’ve witnessed it. Then they bring in the cops on the drivers and reap all the money from the enforcement. If that isn’t a classic study in conflict of interest I don’t know what is and should be illegal. We’ve gone to great lengths in our justice system to eliminate any hint of conflict of interest yet for some twisted reason we’ve embraced this particular instance. Go figure.
Matt, I will however agree with you on one thing. People need to get off their butts and do something about it!! It’s one of my pet peeves. It’s what the NMA is about. I believe the inability to bring about traffic reform stems from a much larger problem. Our democracy is in a state of decay. We have a government running on autopilot. Citizens are disconnected from their government by their own accord. Participation by average citizens is almost non-existent. Books have been written on this phenomena. Have we quit teaching history and civics in schools?? What the Hell is our educators doing to inspire our future citizens to participate in our democracy?? And from all I can tell it doesn’t get much better in college.
In reality we elect our public officials, they go off on their own and we forget about them until the next election. They are left to their own whims. They become prime candidates for lobbyist like the FOP, the Municipal League and lobbys of all stripes. In fact the lobbyist community have been called our forth branch of government. Come election day, even on a good day you might get a 50 percent turnout. Communicating with your elected representative….what’s that mean?? But first you gotta know who he/she is. The average citizen can name few, if any of their elected officials much less communicate with them. Of course if you haven’t greased their palm with money during their election, you may not get much attention from them. In essence, we have what amounts to a dysfunctional democracy…through no fault BUT OUR OWN. It’s therefore no wonder we have a misdirected traffic control system. Law enforcement and municipalities are well aware of this impotence by the public and have used it to their complete advantage. Cops and their employers have played the field well and the driving public is feeling the consequences of their absence from governmental process. I’m not very hopeful, but if the citizenry ever does finally awaken, after watching decades of this crap, you guys in law enforcement better head for cover because guys like James and I will be at the forefront of pushing tons of traffic control reform. Which reminds me….I need to send that letter off to my state legislators today. What’s the subject, traffic control. The new legislative session just started in the grand state of Oklahoma.
“By Ron on Feb 12, 2008
… paralyzed whenever they see a cop car-jamming on their brakes to slow to 50 in a 60MPH zone, won’t make a right turn on red, when there isn’t any restriction, etc…”
Those are two irritating behaviors. I finally broke my wife of the habit of doing the former by getting her to understand that a cop that already has someone pulled over is already busy – as long as you’re not behaving outrageously, he (or she) isn’t going to pay you any attention. The latter is most often committed by little old ladies or newly-licensed drivers that haven’t had enough experience behind the wheel to be confident in themselves.
I know I’ll probably be mercilessly flamed for saying this, but I believe that, after age 65 people should be required to pass a road test at least every tow years. And at age 75, yearly. It doesn’t matter if someone has been driving without mishap for fifty years, if they reach a point that they can no longer do so safely, then they should have the privilege of driving denied them.
I’m also not a single-minded stickler for the rules. If the speed limit on the interstate is 65, but all of the traffic is traveling at 75, I will try to match the flow of traffic. If, however, weather or road conditions are such that If I don’t believe it is safe to travel over – let’s say fifty – then I won’t. I once nearly crashed into a cliff in very heavy fog, because I was going too fast for the conditions; I’ve been passed by people during raging snowstorms only to see the same vehicles off of the road a mile further along.
Matt-Now we’re meeting in the middle. For me, the laws are guidelines. As I’ve said before, if you have empathy & courtesy for other drivers, that is just as important as the laws. The laws are needed when there is a safety issue or conflict that needs to be resolved. Who has right-of-way, for instance.
I recently saw an ambulance stuck behind cars at a stoplight. There was a concrete median. The cars in front would not pull out into the intersection to let the ambulance pass until the light turned green. Absolute MORONS afraid to bend the rules to let the ambulance pass.
I think the people on this thread are some of the better drivers. They understand that paying attention is sometimes better than following the letter of the law. I think the people that are driving you nuts, are the people who DON’T know the law, and are paralyzed whenever they see a cop car-jamming on their brakes to slow to 50 in a 60MPH zone, won’t make a right turn on red, when there isn’t any restriction, etc.
By Ron on Feb 11, 2008
“Matt is trying to convince us that if a semi-truck has lost his brakes behind us, and we are at a Stoplight that says “No Right Turn On Red”, it is better to get run over than get out of the way.”
That is just stupid. I hope you realize that. Rules can and sometimes must be suspended in cases of emergency, especially if there is a danger of people losing their lives.
After the 1978 blizzard, many people in this area were completely isolated, some for over a week. The roads were impassable to vehicles, phone and power lines were down. Snowmobile clubs in the area volunteered to undertake the effort to reach these people. They carried supplies in to people that were trapped, they evacuated people that were without power and heat, they rescued people in need of medical attention.
Normally, in this state, using a snowmobile on a public road is grounds for a ticket or possibly arrest. These snowmobilers were commended for their actions. The rule was suspended during the emergency. Their actions saved lives, they didn’t endanger them. I hope that even you can understand the difference between a temporary suspension of rules – such as doing whatever is necessary to get out of the way of an out-of-control truck – and flagrantly ignoring them because they don’t suit you personally.
And on maturity? “I’ll do what I please and screw anybody that doesn’t like it” is a pretty immature attitude, don’t you think?